Dear Baby Yeezus,
Welcome to the world. I know when you were born you were probably expecting just Mary and Yeezus, but instead you got PMK, and an entire camera crew there to document your birth. PMK probably went overboard trying to get you a microphone pack on when you had just showed your tiny head.
That is the way it is going to be. You are going t be in the spotlight. A lot. A whole lot. As your mother Mary tries to fight back the onslaught that is Kylie and Kendall, her only hope is you. Yeah, kind of like when Princess Leia sent off that message with R2D2. Your mother knows her time is quickly waning and there are not many more ways she can take off her clothes or be naked for the cameras. At this point it will probably take another porn video with your daddy Yeezus and your “uncle” Ricardo to really get her back on top.
You and your directionally named sister are the only thing that can save her from total obscurity. For the next decade you will be groomed to be the next star of the family. By then, she is hoping Kylie and Kendall will have waned; that Khloe can’t find any more basketball players to curse; and that Kourtney is too busy raising her 17 kids to notice anything outside the level of alcohol Scott consumes every night.
There in the background of course will be the Kardashian version of Tyrion Lannister. Oh, yeah, that is what your uncle Rob is doing. He plots and schemes while enjoying hookers and booze paid for by his family and will make his mark. No one knows when it will happen. But it will.
I’m glad you arrived safely into the world and hope you enjoy your first couple of years of not realizing this is all going on around you. After that, it is going to be rough.
Love And Bacon,
Enty